Perhaps many of you like this topic, are even excited to talk about it, especially the ladies during the early phase of a relationship (not to say that guys don’t like to talk about it too). When we just started to know how to have feelings toward the opposite sex, reading teens’ magazines, dreaming after handsome actors then wishing they were our boyfriends; or in schools, if there wasn’t any handsome boy, there would surely be a group of dreamy boys matching around, with numerous girls chasing after them…
Recently, someone asked me:
- When you first dated, did you have any image of an ideal partner?
- What does your ideal partner look like?
- Having the image of an ideal partner makes it easier to focus on the right ones, so we can choose, right?
- Having the image of an ideal partner saves us time so we can try to see who’s the most suitable...
My answer is NO. I have never had any image of any ideal partner, essentially because I have always let it come naturally. I still remember when I used to watch romantic dramas, or read cheesy love stories, the girls usually declared a description of an ideal partner, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, bumped into a random guy on the street, then two people - after so many unnecessary challenges - successfully came together. But real life is never like movies.
Choosing a suitable someone, that may sound exciting and soothing when we let our imagination go wild to make us happy. But after a period of dating, entering a real relationship, most of us will realize that the “other person” has already changed, and because that “other person” changed, the relationship becomes emotionless, less romantic, more troublesome. Is the initial compatibility the best? Why do we limit our choices while life is so colorful? Are you sure that since the beginning until the end of time, that person will still be your ideal partner? And do you really think you have the right to choose?
Wasting time - that’s something that many will be afraid of. Many get married because they’re afraid that they’re already “over” the right age to get married, or they’re already too old, or the doctors say so, or life’s boring, or they just want to be convenient after such a long time in a relationship. Well, of course we did collide in this life, so being together was no longer a choice, it just happened. That’s life. But living together is a definite choice, and for sure we have the power to make that choice.
For me, love cannot take any shortcuts, LOVE is a deliberate process of building up from two people, in which both of them have to put efforts, take responsibility. It doesn’t mean each of them takes 50%, but it means each of them is aware that they both WANT to take 100% responsibility for the relationship and put their hearts into it. Both of them will have to dig deep into the dirty mud, place every brick, recognize the broken ones and take them away, and continuously build up, every day, every hour, every minute. They have to make sure that their shared castle is strong inside, and beautiful outside, so that both can be proud of that product from their hearts.
Daniel and I are the same, we touch each other every day, appreciate the holding of hands, the loving of gestures, the exchanging of words, even the talking of daily conversations. We cook, exercise, tend our plants together. When the daily cooking routine becomes stressful, we eat out at least once per week, spend that time to meet our common friends, talk, share seemingly unrelated topics, practice our eyesight, etc… and many more.
Once we still want to walk alongside of each other, we can always find ways to continue discovering one another. Now, come back to you, can you tell me when was the last time you did something together? When was the last time you did something new for your relationship? And what will you do today?