Personality | Tính cách

Personality: Same same.. but different

Do you know why you behave in a certain way - different from others?

Personality tests are fascinating. I didn't think we should pigeon-hole people, such was the reason for my desperate search for an answer to turn away all the personality test results to understand people as individuals, not as types. But still, all of those tests gave the same outcome: you're an INFJ, thus you'll behave like all other INFJ.

Yet I've talked to people of almost the same personality test scores, still they behaved in definitely different ways. The nuances of their differences helped others to recognize them immediately. They're same same.. yet very different.

And the borderline cases always killed my brain cells. Once I've tried to explain why one participant in my class seemed to have the characteristics of too many personality types. I couldn't even pin down any dominant type for her. At that time, I came to a half-baked conclusion that she had yet developed a clear life path, as such her behaviors had not been consistent. She played too many roles in life, each role required a mask - a different set of traits.

I defined those differences as personal qualities and values. Those are the personal guiding system for them to make life decisions. One problem arise: where do those qualities and values come from? And how do they change? Apparently personal qualities and values are relatively consistent, but why do some people behave very differently in different situations?

It all boils down to personal agendas

Now I know why. Their personal agendas define their behaviors for growth, while their personality types define their behaviors for security. The stronger the agendas, the more powerful and out-of-the-ordinary-way their behaviors become.

That's why a true introvert would go out of his way to mingle with strangers to find new collaborations for his business - just that, after a while, he would need to hide and recharge.

Or someone with a tendency toward harmony and feeling would get tough and demand justice for her child should unfair treatments be found at schools - she may regret and question her behaviors later, but the love for her child made it all acceptable (in her own mind).

Only personal qualities and life values can help us grow

Personal qualities and life values come from noble agendas that follow a person's life. And yes, they're consistent because noble agendas don't disappear that easily. That also means, anyone of any personality type can and should follow any noble agendas, because personal qualities and life values can only be developed from them.

So the answer to the question at the beginning: when life goes smoothly, we follow our personality types; but when life goes tough, we follow our personal and noble life agendas. And, life goes tough all the time. And yes, that's how we can change our personality.

I am a trainer of human potential, an inventor of ideas, a Toastmaster of inspirational expressions, and a believer of everyone achieving their dreams. My past adventures include authoring and co-authoring 10 patents in the field of audio and ultrasonic technologies, performing in rock bands, organizing a cross-country business case competition and also winning one, and public speaking. My life purpose brings me to people development. I am now a writer, facilitator and coach of Connection Coach, a new venture to help others realize their full potential and make a positive impact in the society through leadership, growth, and connection.

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